Many capable, hardworking professionals unintentionally undermine themselves through everyday expressions that sound courteous but slowly chip away at credibility. These verbal habits are easy to miss, yet over time they influence how colleagues, managers and clients perceive your value.
Careers are rarely quick wins. They are built steadily, through consistent performance and repeated interactions. While results matter, communication plays an equally powerful role in shaping long-term reputation.
For those experiencing imposter syndrome, this balance can feel especially fragile. On paper, their qualifications are solid. Internally, however, they worry about being exposed as undeserving. That insecurity often surfaces in language: hedging statements, unnecessary apologies and self-minimising phrases. The outcome is strong work delivered with reduced impact.
Workplace self-sabotage is rarely obvious. More often, it sounds like polite, harmless wording that slowly lowers how others assess your contributions.
Communication coach Kate Mason describes part of this pattern as “imposition syndrome”, the fear of taking up space or inconveniencing others. It is particularly common among women, shaped by expectations to be agreeable, accommodating and never perceived as demanding.
The intent behind this language is usually considerate. The effect, however, is the opposite. Over time, it sends subtle signals that your time is less valuable, your needs are optional and your expertise is uncertain.
Three common phrases that quietly damage credibility
1. “This will just take a second” or “I’ll be really quick”
At first glance, this sounds respectful. You want to acknowledge someone else’s schedule, especially when interrupting or speaking up in a meeting. The issue is that you downplay your importance before you begin.
Very few meaningful contributions truly take a second. Most require context, explanation and discussion. By suggesting otherwise, you create two problems:
- You imply your input can be rushed or skimmed.
- You signal that what you are about to say lacks substance.
When you minimise the time your message deserves, you also minimise its perceived value. More confident alternatives include:
- “Do you have five minutes to discuss the client presentation?”
- “I need about 10 minutes to explain an issue I’ve identified.”
These options are clear, courteous and realistic. They respect others’ time without shrinking your own contribution.
2. “Don’t worry if you can’t”
This phrase often appears at the end of requests: “Could you review this by tomorrow, but don’t worry if you can’t.” It sounds kind and flexible, often driven by a fear of appearing demanding or being turned down.
What the other person hears is different. The task feels optional. The deadline seems movable. Your priorities appear negotiable. As a result, your request may slip down the list.
Constantly softening requests teaches others that your needs are less urgent, even when the work depends on timely action.
Clearer alternatives might be:
- “Could you review this by 4pm tomorrow? It’s for Thursday’s client meeting.”
- “If tomorrow isn’t possible, please let me know a realistic timeframe so I can plan.”
These approaches state your requirements while allowing collaboration. You position the task as shared responsibility, not a favour.
3. “I’m not an expert, but…”
This phrase quietly erodes authority. By opening with it, you signal doubt in your own judgement before anyone else has a chance to evaluate your idea.
You were hired for your skills, experience and perspective. While you may not be the world’s leading authority, your insight still has value. Prefacing ideas with disclaimers invites others to question them unnecessarily.
When you publicly undermine your own expertise, others tend to follow your lead.
More confident yet honest alternatives include:
- “From my experience on similar projects, I’d suggest…”
- “Based on the data available, my perspective is…”
- “I’d like to offer a different angle here.”
These phrases don’t overstate authority. They simply present your contribution as legitimate and worth attention.
Why polite language can become self-sabotage
These speech patterns are rarely random. They develop through social conditioning, upbringing and workplace norms.
Many women, for example, are taught from an early age not to be too direct or confident. They learn to soften opinions, apologise for taking space and prioritise harmony. Over time, this becomes default workplace language.
Imposter syndrome reinforces this habit. When someone believes they do not truly belong, they may criticise themselves first to soften potential judgement. While this feels protective, it prevents others from seeing the full strength of their thinking.
Family dynamics can also influence communication. Psychotherapists note that people raised in unstable or emotionally neglectful environments often struggle to assert needs as adults. At work, this can translate into constant apologies and hesitation.
Simple language swaps to sound more assured
Shifting these habits does not require a personality overhaul. It involves small, deliberate changes practised consistently.
The goal is not to lose warmth or collaboration. It is to remove the parts of your language that quietly make you smaller.
| Self-sabotaging phrase | Assertive alternative |
|---|---|
| “This will just take a second.” | “Can I have five minutes to go through something important?” |
| “Don’t worry if you can’t.” | “Can you confirm if this deadline works for you?” |
| “I’m not an expert, but…” | “Here’s my perspective based on what we know.” |
Everyday examples that highlight the difference
Scenario 1: Speaking up during a time-pressed meeting
You notice a potential risk during a senior project review.
Version A: “I’ll be really quick, I’m not an expert, but maybe we should look at the budget again?”
This sounds uncertain and easily dismissible.
Version B: “I’d like to flag a budget risk I’ve identified. It could impact the launch timeline.”
This signals importance and preparation.
The information may be identical, but the phrasing changes how seriously it is taken.
Scenario 2: Requesting input from another team
You need figures by midweek.
Version A: “If you have time, could you maybe send the numbers, but no worries if not.”
This sounds optional.
Version B: “Could you send the updated figures by 3pm Wednesday? They’re needed for Thursday’s board report.”
This frames the task as essential shared work.
Key concepts behind confident communication
Imposter syndrome involves persistent self-doubt despite evidence of competence. People affected often attribute success to luck and feel pressure to constantly prove themselves. This mindset frequently appears in language through disclaimers and excessive apologies.
Assertive communication sits between passive and aggressive styles. It means expressing needs and views clearly while respecting others. In professional settings, this includes:
- Being specific about expectations and deadlines.
- Owning expertise without exaggeration.
- Challenging ideas without personal attacks.
The long-term impact of small language changes
Replacing just a few habitual phrases may seem minor, but language shapes perception over time. Gradually, colleagues begin to associate you with clarity, confidence and reliability.
The benefits extend beyond promotions or reviews. Many people report reduced stress, clearer collaboration and fewer misunderstandings once they stop constantly softening their speech.
The initial discomfort of speaking more directly is common, especially if you are used to minimising yourself. That unease fades. The lasting gains in confidence, credibility and ease are often well worth it.
